FULFILLMENT OR SELFISHNESS?
June 2, 2007It’s almost 3am and I am still chatting with a friend. Being a good friend… I have to stay this late to be able to catch up with her (were on a different time zone) and give my moral support with what she is going through now. She broke up with her boyfriend for a reason that they don’t agree with their future plans. He wanted something and she wanted another thing. It’s complicated so to speak. Although, I understand her points of view, she wanted to fulfill some things first from the place where she is right now. She is not even half way yet and I can’t blame her for ending the relationship in which nobody wants to compromise or sacrifice. The bigger problem is the things SHE wants is not what HE wants. And in a way, she is now being branded as Selfish…
For me fulfilling what we want in life is not being selfish. We owe it to ourselves. In my present state, I can really utter words like, I’m at my happiest now and somehow fulfilled. It was after I came back from NZ that Andrew and I finally sorted things out. Laid out the plans and defined our relationship. He asked if it is indeed fine with me to give up everything I have to join him in NZ. I said YES, but I still need to do one thing. To go to US, and see my mom whom I haven’t seen for so many years. I have lived a good life here in Manila, I stayed in a nice and comfortable house, I had a good career, I was earning well (for a single like me, yes I was earning enough), I drove my own car (missed baby G…) and I’ve got good friends around, I served in the church etc. But I felt I was not complete, deep in my heart I knew that seeing my mom and being with her will somehow satisfy the little emptiness in my heart. And so I did. When I finally got a US visa, I resigned from my work and off to see my mom. When I got back here, the contentment…the fulfillment manifested. I decided to do what needs to be done before joining Andrew, and I proved it to be worthwhile. As I am aware that any excess baggage and hang ups and frustrations in me won’t help our relationship at some point. I need to be whole, happy, fulfilled and contented as a person before I face him. This way I will have so much to give rather than so much to demand. One of my 101 Realizations is; I am committing myself in a relationship because I have so much love to give.
My friend asked when we were having catching up over Starbucks, “How come you managed to give up everything you have in PI and opportunities you have in US just to go to NZ?” I replied without hesitation. “At 28, I am almost done fulfilling what I need to so I’m ready for a new action”
And to my ever dearest friend:
Don’t feel guilty; someday you will reap what you have sown. I’m sure when you’re old and gray you wouldn’t want to look back with many regrets. Regrets that you haven’t done a thing to fulfill what you wanted. So go ahead spread your wings, fly as much as you can and when you’re finally ready to settle down then love as much as you can. Miss our Starbucks and Guppys bonding in California. Mwah!
I BENDED MY OWN RULES
May 20, 2007Back in my high school days, I enumerated in my diary the qualities of my “IDEAL GUY”, the kind of guy that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and years after that I went on to search for him. Looking back, I really had a hard time searching for someone that would match my criteria. Two reasons; I had very high standards and my mind was set. I tried to look for my diary and checked out my list, it was funny to see my # 2 criteria; He should share the same denomination as mine, in short he should be a Roman Catholic. This is just one of the many standards I lived with all this time. But one fine day of August 2006, I broke my oath and revised my standards! I realized that I’d rather marry a guy who doesn’t share same religion as mine but is a righteous person than a man who goes to church everyday but would eventually cheat on me or hit me like a punching bag down the track. Not sure if makes sense to some of you. But it is to me. I finally overcame the “over-spiritualism” that ruled my life for many years. And my realizations? I have the power to change my life. My destiny is in my own hands. God gave me a phenomenal mind and heart to decide and that my deepest desire is God’s will for my life. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t change religion. I am still faithful to the Catholic Church. In fact I would never ever convert to other denomination. I still go to church as often as I can not only during Sundays, I recite my morning and evening prayers and the holy rosary and above all I continuously struggle to be a righteous disciple. Practically, religion is not something that would determine what kind of person you are. For me, it’s my relationship with God and with His people that will determine what kind of person I am.
CRYING BABY
May 17, 2007There are moments that I just can’t stop crying. Crying, not because I pity myself, but crying to ease the sadness I feel. I am in that state tonight. It’s late and I should be in bed now but I can’t go to sleep with a heavy heart. With the songs of Restless Heart, North and ColdPlay on my play list, it’s helping me to somehow unload the heaviness that I feel. I know what’s on your mind. Why am I sad? 10 months of being away from each other is enough as an answer. A lot of us say that crying helps and we should cry from time to time. It’s true and scientific. After all I feel so much better after crying, and when I cry, I cry to the heavens. But whenever I cry I never forget to tell myself. There’s a big miracle to happen tomorrow. I have always believed that good things happen to good people. It was a good decision to check out Ferna’s blog. http://www.fernadl.i.ph/.
Her latest article was about me and her loveless state. After reading, it made me feel so much better. Sooo better…Thanks Ferna! You’re indeed a special friend.
WHAT A GIRL WANTS
April 29, 2007A friend shared to me recently that her relationship with her boyfriend is shaky. They have been together for almost 3 years. I then asked her the factors which cause the unstable relationship. One thing was mentioned, “Marriage”. Over the years, I have known a lot of girls on their late 20s who religiously waited for that magical moment to happen…drum roll please… The wedding proposal! I too for once had hoped, but ended hoping for nothing and thank GOD for it! Yes you read it right, I thank God for sparing me, as I could have married for the wrong reasons. Oftentimes our concept of marriage can be likened to a fairy tale ending, happily ever after. This is one of the reasons why most girls are so frantic when he hasn’t showed any sign yet that he wants to marry her. Sad for others too that “living in” with a partner is not an acceptable norm here in this predominantly Catholic country. Well girls, you might want to consider some points to help you deal with it.
- After one year of steady relationship, (or maybe after six months) and he hasn’t said anything yet, it’s not a crime to ask of his future plans for both of you. Plans about marriage, kids, investments etc. Some doesn’t have the guts to do this because culture dictates us not to. Or worried as he might think we are preempting the next things to happen. But for God’s sake! We have the right to know what’s in store for us my fellow girls. So don’t be afraid, be open. After all you are only asking him of his plans and not an engagement ring. But make sure you start a healthy and calm conversation. Not a fight. One thing I’ve learned? DON’T NAG. Trust me, it doesn’t work.
- If he finally unleash those hidden promises, well and good. But if not, you can try your luck next time. However if after several tries and he doesn’t seem to realize the point then marriage is not on his vocabulary. Ask yourself, if you’re contented with being blinded then up to you, but remember, YOU HAVE THE CHOICE. Choice to be truly happy. Being a melodramatic, I used to tell myself, that love will conquer all! But this myth is deadly! I’d rather start it right than waste time waiting for love to change him.
- Another thing, some guys are smarter than we are. Yes they can promise the moon, the stars and the universe. However it’s a different story when he starts using his “delaying tactics”. There’s a problem when those promises are still promises after a number of years. For me, it’s a complete waste of time! When during those times, you could have bumped into a much better man. A man who can reciprocate the passion you give and the sincerity you deserve. Believe me, the saying: “There’s lots of fish in the ocean” is definitely true.
- Last but definitely the most important. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. Ask yourself, do you really want him forever? Do you think you can still love him when the feeling of “being in love” is gone? If there’s an inch of uncertainty, don’t think twice. Let go. And if you cannot catch a good fish, it’s definitely ok. Being single is a blessing after all.
ATTITUDES ARE CONTAGIOUS
April 23, 2007I noticed some reminders such as this around the place where I used to work. Customer Service Operation was my type of work before so I dealt with different kinds of people with different personalities. As for me, this was one of the most effective campaigns in dealing with the mindset of the people at work. And in some way, I think, I experienced it too in my daily interaction with people around me, that, I was infected with a wrong attitude. Admittedly, I am one of the few guilty human beings! But one good thing, it doesn’t settle on me for a long time. My being a Libran is always at work, I have the ability to realize things in a spur of a moment.
When I got the chance to travel western countries, I have met different kinds of people. Different cultures, different upbringings, different religion and different ways of life. I saw some good things about western people that I wish to see in myself too. I wanted to be less complicated. As a Filipina, I have some views, behaviors and attitudes that complicate my life in a way. Perhaps, this is because of traditions, customs and nurturing. Don’t get me wrong, I am still proud to be a Pinay but let’s face it, we have some irrational and absurd views about life. Two examples; CHISMIS and CRAB MENTALITY. Westerns don’t have time to talk about other people’s lives, for them it’s completely a waste of energy. Neither, do they step on someone else so they achieve what they want. They often go for the right thing. We Filipinos, often go for traditions or customs.
When I returned here in PI, I came up with a resolution to myself that I need to be careful with not so good attitudes of people around me, because they are contagious. After all life is beautiful if you choose not to make it so complicated.
I NEED NOT ARGUE TO WIN
April 21, 2007Today, we had a little misunderstanding about a certain issue. I don’t want to term it a “fight” since it is honestly not it. I wasn’t even mad or angry although I nearly felt upset. Take note, “Nearly”. If I would analyze the sequence of events, it should have been a big deal as the issue matters to me a lot. I could have flared up. I could have argued for long hours. I could have uttered “not so good” words to express what I felt. Or I could have ended the day with resentment in my heart. But I would like to congratulate myself for I did not feel that way.
Few years back, every time I was faced with this kind of predicament, I will not stop until I win the argument. I feel like a looser if I concede or not bother to defend my points of view. I will not allow anyone to attack my integrity. I will defend myself at all cost. I will not end the day until I wasn’t the last one standing.
However, it’s a different story now and I am glad. I have mastered the art of meekness and gentleness. Of being calm, patient and choosing to stay at the positive side at all times. It takes a lot of hard work to do it, really. And it takes a lot of heartaches to be able to learn the lessons of life. But it feels good when you have proven to yourself that you can do it even if the world says that it’s hard. I can never forget what a priest told me in one of my confessions that one doesn’t need to argue to win, most of the time, you win by setting a good example.
